scotland adventures

my return

Tue, 12 Jun 2012 15:08:00 +0100

the transition out of findhorn has not been easy for me. the days in edinburgh felt like a daze even though i enjoyed all the time i spent with the people that had traveled to scotland to adventure around with me. i shared some great meals with my mom, elizabeth, & andrew and i loved being able to adventure out in the city and feel anonymous again. we had quite a few margaritas at the mexican restaurant on rose street that the fcs-ers invaded when we ventured into the city. i hung out with shannon a lot too once she got to the city and it was so amazing to be reunited with her. austra had a show on tuesday at an awesome tiny bar and it was an incredible, drunken night.

i headed back to findhorn this past weekend to say my goodbyes to the place and the people that were still around. while there were some edges for me during my return because it was painstakingly obvious that someone i was traveling with was just not as excited about findhorn, i still had a beautiful visit and i left with my love for findhorn so intimately intact. friday night was spent at the kimberely inn with melinda, karl, kasia, andrew, elizabeth, and two random drunken locals that provided us with entertainment. i had such a good time reminiscing and goofing off with some of the people that have been so important to me these last 4 months. saturday was spent showing elizabeth and andrew the windmills, ponies, beach, and cullerne gardens. melinda treated us to lunch at the cc and it was so nice to have so many greeny vegetably things to eat again. i spent the afternoon sorting through music with melinda and then heading to the kimberley with jamie, andrew, & elizabeth. later that day, jamie, melinda, and i hung out and reminisced one last time about the past months and some of our craziest of memories… can’t even begin to explain how much both of them mean to me and have affected who i am & what i’m doing in this world. really, all the people i encountered at findhorn really affected me in the deepest of ways. even though it was dark out (which rarely happens in scotland!) i ventured to my ‘secret spot’ in the woods and laid there and cried — releasing findhorn and the people, and letting go of all my pain and anxiety i had been harboring. then i headed back to the kimberely for a round of shots with andrew and elizabeth before heading back for the night. sunday was filled with tearful thanking and goodbyes. i have no doubt that i will stay in contact with all of the people that showed up in my life these last few months. my love for them is on some sort of soul level… deeper than i can even believe or explain.

my exit from findhorn might not have been as graceful as i would have liked, but it was raw and real. before i boarded my flight in london, i noticed a familiar backpack two people infront of me… it was none-other than branyn! we shared hugs and stories about our past week, and were in amazement that our flights just happened to be the same. it was a nice little reminder from the universe that all of those people are still around and our paths are overlapping all the time. as we were waiting to clear customs once getting to the states, i pulled out my pack of angel cards and we each chose one. taking the findhorn with us wherever we go, even little acts in airports!

here i am now, back in north carolina. the weather is hot and humid but there’s a beautiful rainstorm just picking up outside. i have yet to turn my cellphone on, mostly because i see that as my final physical transition back into life outside of findhorn. nevertheless, i am excited about continuing all of these wild adventures back in the states, integrating all that i’ve learned these last few months, and being so happy to have had those memories and experiences and the sisterhood and brotherhood with such incredible people. thank you world! eternally grateful.

…now to turn that damn cellphone back on!

hangin in edinburgh with two of my favorite peeps

Sun, 03 Jun 2012 17:32:57 +0100

hangin in edinburgh with two of my favorite peeps

shannoninscotland: Miss you Kate <3 best roommate ever ~...

Sun, 03 Jun 2012 17:25:25 +0100

shannoninscotland:

Miss you Kate <3

best roommate ever ~ love + miss this girl so much. this was taken on our last day @ findhorn but of course we were still smiling and rolling around in fields of daisies.

6.2.12

Sat, 02 Jun 2012 19:05:00 +0100

i’ve left findhorn and i feel like there’s a piece of me missing. it’s going to be a strange and difficult transition, but i think i’m ready. i drew my final angel card yesterday and it was transformation. it’s time to put all of this new knowledge and conscience into action.

yesterday morning was intense. our last sharing was filled with tears and hugs. i wanted to hold everyone as long as i could. even though it was a somber morning, we kept the laughter going and it was a beautiful exit. i’m so thankful i’m returning in a week to spend a few days… it’s making it a lot easier knowing that i’ve got a little bit more time at findhorn. i will miss all my fcs-ers though.

traveling into edinburgh with lizzy was quite intense. our train was canceled due to someone throwing himself on the tracks… yeah… luckily shawn & alba were at the station to grab the same train so we threw in money to take a cab into inverness. there we encountered even more problems as there had been a massive wreck the night before and the highway we needed was completely closed. once we were actually on the bus, we were in stand-still traffic for two hours. it was quite the test, but lizzy & i sang songs to her wounded leg and reminisced about our past three months. lizzy kept her composure like a champ, but i struggled a bit. it felt really healing and right to be crying. we had to change over to another bus during the last leg of journey, and we had to sit right infront of a reflective glass… it felt like just another part of the process of leaving to have to stare at our worn-out and sad selves for an hour or two. the night was interesting, but i was happy to see my mom, elizabeth, & andrew. today has been a lot more graceful… i got the disposable camera pictures developed and that made me verrry happy.

from abundance to transformation, here i go…

but damn do i miss you findhorn

this is how lizzy & i are doing since leaving findhorn

Sat, 02 Jun 2012 18:58:57 +0100

this is how lizzy & i are doing since leaving findhorn

melinda gave me her sweater to wear!it smells soo good and now i...

Wed, 30 May 2012 13:31:00 +0100

melinda gave me her sweater to wear!
it smells soo good and now i just wanna cuddle all day

wearing two mood rings isn’t excessive, right?

5.30.12

Wed, 30 May 2012 09:14:13 +0100

everything is so wonderful still.

breathing in every moment, exhaling gracefully. yesterday was spent in a transition session with karl & melinda gearing us up for the big move out of here. after a super green & vegetably lunch, we returned to our classroom and danced like madwomen to some ’90s music. then we took down the entire classroom, counted all of the art supplies, and took stock of the books. we shared a lovely pizza dinner and then watched harold and maude together. today we have a deep clean of the bungalows in the morning and then we’re heading to randolph’s leap to adventure and hike around for the afternoon.

i feel like i’m coming full circle… we began this semester spending an afternoon at randolph’s leap and then we’re heading back today… our first group picture (which is incredibly awkward & karl looks like a giant) was taken on one of the trails. maybe we can replicate that picture today. also, i attended a talk two nights ago about roc, the person that encouraged bringing natural & elemental beings into the forefront of consciousness and conversation at findhorn… i began this whole adventure by reading the findhorn garden story which goes deep into co-creation with the nature devas, so the talk served as a little reminder of where i am and all of my impressions before coming here. casual chat about gnomes, angels, and devas have become a daily occurrence for me, so all you peeps back home get ready!

i’m liking that it’s overcast today. reflects my mood a bit, but i’m sure the sun will shine in a little while.

the earth is my body; my head is in the stars. -maude

karl is letting me borrow his sheep sweater for the week :D

Tue, 29 May 2012 08:39:18 +0100

karl is letting me borrow his sheep sweater for the week :D

my lovely friend phoebe crafted me two stuffed sheep — a...

Mon, 28 May 2012 22:20:21 +0100

my lovely friend phoebe crafted me two stuffed sheep — a mama + her lamb — made from recycled fabrics. i’ve attached them to my scarf because that’s just the kinda person i am. eeek so cute.

what a beautiful & memorable sunset

Sun, 27 May 2012 13:00:00 +0100

what a beautiful & memorable sunset

5.26.12

Sat, 26 May 2012 16:12:10 +0100

where has the time gone? i’m sitting outside of the park building on an absolutely beautiful summer day, journaling and chatting with shannon. this past week went faster than i could’ve ever imagined… i’m sure that’s a line i’ve used often though. time moves backwards and forwards and in every direction i could dream of.

this past week was amazing. we spent every morning in class wrapping up all we had been doing for the semester. lots of presentations ~ one on cullerne’s group dynamics, one on psycho-spiritual healing, & one about my semester-long prayer flag making… all of the papers were due too, so it was really the only academic-driven week i’ve had here. work at cullerne was finished up on tuesday too, and it was a sad but joyous goodbye. i had one last sharing with martin (who focalized us in the garden), melinda, jamie, danielle, and marigold about our experiences working there… it was lovely, and i realized just how many incredible memories were made while working those short shifts on monday and tuesday afternoons. we drew blessing cards before we left the circle, and i got adventure. it’s crazy how one little card can carry such weight if you let it… adventure was a word i needed to hear. i’ve been incredibly bummed out about having to leave findhorn, but i’ve tried to find lots of little reasons to make the transition easier for me… but one big piece i’ve been missing is remembering what i’m going back to, and really that’s just whatever i make it… so why not make it an adventure? my time at findhorn has been a real awakening for me, and now i need to transfer all of that newfound (or maybe ‘re-found’) knowledge back into my life at home… but that doesn’t mean i have to stop this adventure. i sat with shannon & marigold at the kimberley yesterday and we started talking about how happy we have been since getting to findhorn. we agreed that findhorn might be our bliss but our excitement probably lays somewhere else… so now, i’ve gotta go on a search to find it!

i need to reiterate just how beautiful the weather has been recently. mother earth sure does know when i need good weather in my life. every day has been a tank top day filled with volleyball and laying in the sun. late night sunset beach trips has been an everyday thing too. couldn’t be more thankful for that.

yesterday was great… the group took a water taxi over to the other side of the bay to check out some seals. while the seals were cute and all, i was more happy to spend time with the gang and admire the foggy, watery, picture-perfect setting. we went to a castle in the afternoon which was neat… the gardens around it were the best part. there were lovely manicured hedges for a nice human-dominated nature theme, but if you went a bit further you were surrounded by a more wild & natural setting that reminded me of the trails in north carolina.

so, less than one week left. i plan on spending every moment being thankful and present.

shannon & i got matching roommate celtic mood rings :)

Wed, 23 May 2012 15:26:00 +0100

shannon & i got matching roommate celtic mood rings :)

am i seriously in scotland right now?

Wed, 23 May 2012 09:35:19 +0100

am i seriously in scotland right now?

Photo

Sat, 19 May 2012 18:48:28 +0100

our life as gaia

Wed, 16 May 2012 14:37:13 +0100

“when you return to your communities to organize, saying no to the machinery of death and yes to life, remember your true identity. remember your story, our story… you speak not only as yourself or for yourself. you were not born yesterday. you have been through many dyings and know in your heartbeat and bones the precarious, exquisite balance of life. out of that knowledge you can speak and act. you will speak and act with the courage and endurance that has been yours through the long, beautiful aeons of your life story as gaia.” — joanna macy

erraid flowers in my hair

Wed, 16 May 2012 12:13:10 +0100

erraid flowers in my hair

5.16.12

Wed, 16 May 2012 11:54:00 +0100

mmm beautiful scottish day… full of clouds, occasional rain, and sunny bits.

woke up this morning to melissa knocking on my window. we went and walked the dogs that she’s keeping for her brother down by the bay for a bit. it was such a beautiful morning and the conversation was nice. came back and power cleaned the house to avoid working on a paper due this friday… positive procrastination! i’ve got a meeting with melinda this afternoon which should be lovely as well. we’re planning the big transition out of here, but i’m starting to feel okay about it. my angel card “abundance” is ringing true in all sorts of ways. i’m taking away such a clearer sense of what’s going on in & around me spiritually, emotionally, and globally. i have all these new sisters that will be scattered around the world. i’ve got a clearer perspective of who i am & where i’m going. i will always have the memory of the immense joy i’ve felt ever since getting here in february… that’s enough to make it okay for me to leave. hillary just dropped by to ask me a few questions about what personal sustainability means to me for one of her final papers. it was interesting to respond to that since it’s something i’ve thought about a lot but never verbalized. i feel so lucky to be able to return to asheville with her just down the road from me at warren wilson. we’ve promised that if we ever call each other and say that we need to go on a walk, we’ll race to each others side and go for a nice stroll through the woods or city. i feel so grateful for whatever forces brought me to this place right now, and i’m so thankful for the others that have been brought here too.

jamie’s birthday was amazing. we celebrate birthdays really well here. we had a throw-down at the new pole barn at cullerne… beer, meat, babes, and the most interesting music selection (spanning from jay z to paul simon). we all got sufficiently inebriated but we didn’t have any responsibilities the next day so all was good. i’m still so proud of myself for cleaning like a madwoman at the end of the party in all my drunken stupor. jamie, lizzy, & i pushed a wheelbarrow full of empty beer bottles, cupcakes, and hamburgers along the road around 1am. it was quite the show. so. much. good.

now to put an end to this procrastination, i’m going to try to write some of this paper… well at least for 30 minutes, then there’s lunch. mmm.

5.13.12

Sun, 13 May 2012 09:08:00 +0100

so much good has been going on. i’ve been soo busy trying to make the most of every moment i have left here… 3 weeks seems like nothing, especially since time does not move like it normally does here.

one of the highlights from this past week was thursday as i dedicated the entire day to trancing/dancing/whatever. woke up, read some of gabrielle roth’s maps to ecstasy about ecstatic dance and then went to my art class where we did just that. our community life session that day was a deep ecology practice ~ the council of all beings. we donned masks that we had created to represent a part of nature that we were embodying for a short bit. everyone’s mask was amazing and it was a really neat experience. then i went to the ‘deepening waves’ class (5 rhythms dance) and then franco’s astroshamanic trance dance later that night. i was exhausted by the end of it. i returned home to my housemates & danielle making cookies. mmm.

i’ve attempted to do work this weekend since i am actually in school here and i have papers due in the next two weeks. the projects are all on really interesting topics like ecofeminism, psychospiritual healing, and prayer flag making but it’s hard to get myself excited about sitting infront of my computer when i just want to be hanging out with everyone and adventuring.

tomorrow is jamie’s 21st birthday and we’re starting the celebration tonight. we’re watching human traffic and then taking a few shots at 12. tomorrow there’a big party at the garden filled with dancing and drinking & i’m wicked excited about that. i just got a disposable camera to capture some of that goodness.

everything is amazing here. i’m trying to take in every moment i have as being a gift. i love it here…. even in all its yucky scottish weather.

this song will forever remind me of sweat your prayers at...

Sat, 12 May 2012 13:58:00 +0100

this song will forever remind me of sweat your prayers at findhorn

5.6.12

Sun, 06 May 2012 23:49:00 +0100

beltane are you cereal? celebrating fertility all week like it’s my job. kissing cloak made its rounds tonight fersure! i am drunching on some serious pesto toast & barley cup with my main squeeze shannon. i love you life (and you too, shandawg).

findhorn you cray